you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
