heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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