In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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