in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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