What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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