i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
