she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
