she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
