I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
