I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
