i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
