Swine flu. Run for my life!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
