He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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