Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
