I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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