when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
