If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
