I wish my penis had an off switch
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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