A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
