so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
