U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
