I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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