where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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