Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
