If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
