This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
