he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
