He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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