i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
