very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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