I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
