i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
