rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
