So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
