Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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