Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Can i not drive my cunt home
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
