I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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