How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just pee around me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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