i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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