I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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