I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
