if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
