Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
