TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
