sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
