Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
