Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
