I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
