1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
