i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
