So drunk its hurt
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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