When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
